Holiday Support Guide

For when joy, grief, overwhelm, and family dynamics all show up at the same table

The holidays can be meaningful and hard.
You’re not broken if your nervous system agrees.

This guide is here to help you feel safe, grounded, and regulated — especially when you can’t leave the room, change the people, or skip the event.

Use what helps. Ignore what doesn’t.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t need to:

  • Absorb anyone else’s energy or opinions

  • Explain yourself

  • Do the holidays “right”

Silently remind yourself: “I can handle this moment.” “This is temporary.” “ I am safe.”

Grounding Tools

Grounding Through the Feet

  • Place your feet firmly on the floor

  • Feel the contact between your body and the ground

  • Imagine roots growing down into the earth

This signals safety to your nervous system.

Centering in Your Core

  • Place one or both hands over your belly

  • Breathe into this space

  • On the exhale, imagine strength expanding outward

Repeat silently: “ I am safe and grounded in my own energy.”

In-the-Moment Boundaries

(For when you’re triggered and still stuck at the table)

Real-Time Breathwork

  • Slow inhale

  • Longer, slower exhale

  • Repeat quietly

Add: “I am in control of my space.”

Boundary Touch Points

Use subtle physical anchors:

  • Lightly squeeze your hands

  • Tap your fingers together

  • Place a hand over your heart

This reinforces an internal boundary without drawing attention.

Discreet Support at the Dinner Table

Bilateral Stimulation

  • Gently tap or squeeze your legs alternately

  • Left, right, left, right

This helps calm the nervous system by engaging both hemispheres of the brain.

Orient to Your Surroundings

Silently notice:

  • Colors and shapes on your plate

  • Textures of food or utensils

  • Objects in the room

This brings your body back into the present moment.

Engage the Senses

  • Touch: Feel your clothing or chair

  • Smell: Notice aromas around you

  • Movement: Wiggle toes, press feet into the floor

Small actions = meaningful regulation.

Simple, Kind Boundary Phrases

Nosy questions

  • “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not discuss that right now.”

  • “That’s not something I’m comfortable talking about today.”

Judgmental

  • “Thanks for sharing. I’m making choices that work best for me.”

  • “Interesting perspective. Let’s focus on enjoying the moment.”

Overstepping

  • “I’m going to take a quick break. I’ll join back in a bit.”

  • “I need a moment to gather my thoughts.”

Redirecting

  • “Let’s talk about something lighter, what’s been exciting for you lately?”

  • “I’d love to hear more about…”

No explanations required.

Gentle Gut Support

When the nervous system is activated, digestion often follows.

Support it gently:

  • Warm herbal teas: ginger, peppermint, chamomile

  • Gentle abdominal self-massage (clockwise circles)

  • Warm compress over the belly

  • Eat slowly when possible — no perfection required

Nervous System Soothers

  • Humming, sighing, or gentle singing

  • Slow diaphragmatic breathing

  • Light movement or stretching

  • Hydration, sleep, and rest when you can

Think support, not optimization.

Final Note

You don’t need to:

  • Be calm all the time

  • Be grateful on command

  • Enjoy every moment

You do get to:

  • Protect your energy

  • Listen to your body

  • Choose what feels supportive

This season is allowed to be tender.

And so are you.

Shay Klomp Bueters